You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
