He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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