Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
