my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
