Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
