You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
