I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
