If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
