Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
