It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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