I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
