I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
