Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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