Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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