no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
