it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
