He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
