Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
