Your mouth is God's brothel.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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