We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
