I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
