i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
