If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize