Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
