Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
whose parrot is this?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
