just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
