So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
