I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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