DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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