false alarm. still invincible.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
