I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
