All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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