Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
