You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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