Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
