I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my liver is dry heaving
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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