I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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