Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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