I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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