We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
