didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
