stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
