Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
