Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize