I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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