I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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