My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
