Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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