honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
