Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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