you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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