The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The chlamydia really affected his face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
