I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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