I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
