i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
