Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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