dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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