His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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