So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
