He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
