dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
