some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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