We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we're making bets on your personal life
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
