It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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