i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
