I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
