Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
