she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize