he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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