He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
