I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
someone get that fucking seahorse.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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