I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
