Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
