8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
