I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
