I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize