i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
