So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
