My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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