We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
